Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
