Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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