Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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