I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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