Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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