Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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