Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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