he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
