Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
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omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
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Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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