I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize