Slut skills are useful in every country.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
