I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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