she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
