I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
