he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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