i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
