i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
How external is "for external use only"?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
