i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
