btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
