It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
