Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I wear drunk well.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
