Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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