Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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