My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
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I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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