I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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