Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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