i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
