I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
