ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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