Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
and she was petting her beer can
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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