Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
