Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
