Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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