I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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