Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
