Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
