So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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