I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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