It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
