So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
