I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
