every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
