He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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