Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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