Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize