I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
