"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
