ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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