CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
