Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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