How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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