her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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