I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have already put on my inside pants.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
