come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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