Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
