oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
