And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
