Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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